Sadness

Today we had to have our 9 year old cat, Rugby, put to sleep. In early January he had started to lose weight, but initially we assumed that it was because Cecil, the 2 year old cat that we adopted in October was eating most of the food. But when Rugby's weight dipped lower it was obvious that something was not right. He was still acting completely normal so I thought maybe it was his teeth or hyperthyroidism. I was not expecting to be told that Rugby had advanced kidney cancer and probably only had a few weeks to live. Because he was still bright and alert the veterinarian prescribed prednisone which would also stimulate his appetite. I felt that I had somehow failed my black and white kitty who we adopted at 8 weeks of age. Dr. Xxx assured me that I had not missed anything, and this was commonly how kidney cancer in cats progressed. Rugby has always been very attached to me. He follows me around, sleeps next to me and sits on the sink vanity every morning while I get ready for work. Tomorrow morning will be very difficult. I worry, too, about Isaiah. We told him that Rugby was very sick and would be going to heaven soon. These last 6 weeks have been a gift. I bought children's books about the death of a pet, and a really great one "Cat Heaven". During the past couple of days Rugby's appetite really decreased, and from Monday to Tuesday he really deteriorated. So we made the decision that in Rugby's best interest we would have him put to sleep. Last night we explained that Rugby would probably go to heaven the next day. This morning he cried as he said his good byes before leaving for school. Isaiah will turn 6 in a few days, and in his infinitely wise child perspective, told me not to be sad because Rugby will be able to fly from trees if he goes too high. And a special Angel will watch over him, while Rugby watches us from heaven. Part of what is so hard is that 9 is too young. Our cats always live until at least 20, so we feel a bit short-changed. But 9 (almost 10) years with Rugby is certainly better than to have never known or loved him..... RIP my sweet Rugby!

This morning I watched Nikki in a jump schooling, which definately lifeted my spirits, if only briefly. She is coming along so nicely, both over fences and with her dressage. Nikki is honest and bold over fences, and and adjustable within the gaits in spite of her age. The dressage training helps with that and the jumping helps her dressage. The variety is good for her young brain. Of course I am biased....but she is a beautiful mare! Today was very rainy so Suki was also in all day. When I went to groom her I threw my arms around her neck. I was comforted when she lowered her head over my shoulder and hugged me back. We are still battling very dry skin, so tonight's spa treatment was not just therapeutic for her, it was for me as well. Animals can read our feelings so well. Tonight as I write this Cecil (our other cat) is pacing in the family room, then wanders into the other rooms. I believe that he is looking for Rugby.